Chance: I passed this guy on the way to class, I don’t know his name, but I’m calling him Mr. Reefer. I think I got high just walking past him.

Drake: (Pulls out cigarettes.)
Chance: You can’t smoke that in here.
Drake: I know, I was counting to see how many I had left. (Touches the end of one of the cigarettes) This is Billy…

Chance: You are saying everything at fifty times the volumue you need to be.
Drake: I could announce it to the whole class.
Chance: Just keep talking and you will.

Drake: (Sings) I give my liiiiiiife. Not for honor, but for yooooooooou. Snake eater!

Drake: Guys, I’m not entirely sure what’s so funny.

Chance: The whole class thinks that we’re high. Including me.

Drake & Chance: (Massive fits of unnecessary giggling.)

Chance: So, I was coming from Smith Hall and I got stuck behind this girl on the sidewalk. As I passed her, going off the sidewalk into the grass, I remarked “Excuse me, if you’re going to eat until you’re as wide as the sidewalk, then you could at least waddle a little faster. Some of us are in a hurry.” I’ve never recieved a death glare quite like that in my entire life.

Drake: (Pulls out lighter)
Chance: Put that away! You’re going to set off the sprinkler system.

Drake: I wanna go home, can I go home? I wanna go home and sleep.
Chance: But, Cookie..
Drake: Come here and hold me, Donut, please?

Drake: Ver caught it too.
Chance: I think our professor caught it. He’s ten minutes late.
Drake: I’m not surprised that he caught it. I’m surprised that we caught it.
Chance: Yeah, he’s up in his office right now “Hahahahahhaha I’m ten minutes late for class. Hahahha. Fuck it.”

Drake: I think it’s the gummy worms.
Chance: Heroin worms?
Drake: They look like they’re made of acid. Look at the colors!

Dr. Ruff: If you walk past some guy and are like “Hey, how ya doing?” But in your mind you’re thinking “I hate you, you son of a bitch.” That’s not right speech.

Dr. Ruff: How would you answer the question “Do I look fat in this dress?”
Drake: Yes.
Dr. Ruff: :O

Dr. Ruff: Now, being a merchant of death, not a good idea..but if you were a merchant of stuffed animals…that would be okay.

Dr. Ruff: If you drive 100 miles an hour on the streets of Huntington, if you can find a cop, they might pull you over.
Drake: (Pats Chance on the shoulder.)

Dr. Ruff: There are these rules and if you break them, you’re going to Hell.
Drake: I know.

Dr. Ruff: Right now I’m transitioning from chocolate covered, chocolate filled donuts to cherry pies..

Dr. Ruff: If you find yourself doing the dishes or sweeping the floor…
Chance: …you might be a woman.

Dr. Ruff: Where did my two hamburgers go? Oh! I accidently ate them!

Drake: (Pulls out a piece of paper.) These are the calisthenics that he’s talking about.
Chance: Don’t tell him, he might make us do them. ;-;

Drake: (Looks in the cigarette pack in this shirt pocket.) Billy?

Drake: You could have called her back. But you NEVER call me. Sorry, I was too busy smoking Billy’s friends.

Dr. Ruff: Ah, Budweiser meditation. Let me tell you how mindful drinking would work..
Drake: But, I don’t mind drinking!

Drake: Always have a friend that’s a jew. Mine’s Billy.
Chance: Wait, wut?

Yeah, that’s totally the moment of the day.

Men behind the experiment..